Curling up on the couch to watch your favorite sappy love flick can turn out to be some of the best nights ever. Even as children, Disney gave us some wild expectations of love and how it should be, we always assumed we knew the whole story of love and how it was supposed to go down. So we spent years searching for that idea of love. Between Prince Charming and Cinderella, we lost the ability to just chill. Love is a glorious thing on and off set. Whether you’re watching it on TV or it’s happening to you now, it’s a beautiful feeling and there’s nothing quite like it. Comparing your love with the one that took years to film, cut, and edit is ridiculous. If you want a great romance, stop expecting and start giving more. In order to help you watch these movies in a better way, here are eight ways movies are ruining your love life and seven ways they are not.
8 Ways Movies Are Ruining Your Love Life:
15. False Expectations
Chances are he/she won’t chase after you, so stop running. There are times when you should definitely walk away from someone, but there are times where you need to stop and rationalize. If it’s a deal breaker walk away and never look back. If it’s something that can be fixed, you should talk it out and give each other the opportunity to continue on that romantic journey. Don’t throw something away because you just finished watching Love Actually. You can’t treat someone poorly or play with their emotions and expect them to stick around like in How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days or 10 Things I Hate About You. This is real life with real consequences. Love takes work, and you have to be willing to put in the hours.
14. The Friend Zone
If you’ve seen A Walk To Remember you’ll remember the part where Landon promises Jamie he wouldn’t fall in love with her. Obviously, in the movie he did. He fell completely and madly in love with her. Of course, this just doesn’t happen in real life. When Harry Met Sally is another great romance flick, but the chances of ending up with someone you hate are slim to hard work. If he (or she) tells you he’s not into you, he is most likely telling the truth. There are always exceptions, but do you really want to wait around on the sidelines while they figure it out? NO. You are worth more, and you shouldn’t be the second, third, or even tenth choice. If you’re in the friend zone, it’s for a reason. This isn’t Just Friends, so for your sake and sanity try and move forward with your life.
13. Friends With Benefits
Movies like No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits have given people a whole new level of hope. Here’s the sad truth: Being friends with benefits won’t magically turn into a soulmates for life situation. It might sound easy and fun, but it will get messy sooner or later. After too much intimacy, at least one person is bound to catch the love bug. Every time two people have sex their bodies naturally produce chemicals that create mood-boosting properties. So the more often you have sex, the more chemicals your body will release. The more chemicals your body produces, the easier it is to get attached. Even though you’re not intending to fall in love, the stakes are high in a FWB situation. It’s not impossible for this to work, but why deal with the mess when you can just date someone who really wants you in the first place?
12. A Fling Vs. Something Serious
Some people get into relationships out of boredom, loneliness, or to satisfy the person they are casually seeing. Having that “where is this headed” talk is often dreaded, but it’s necessary. You might have skipped through it because you were wrapped up in the moment, or you really just wanted the title. Don’t worry, it’s not too late. Knowing things like your partner’s religious views, financial stability, goals, and their true intentions with you is super important. So unless you just want a fling, talk to your partner and find out where your relationship is headed. Life is not like The Notebook where a summer fling and years of absence turns into a life long love.
11. Soulmate Searching
Constantly worrying and searching for your soulmate is a waste of time. It’s very possible to love more than one person, and it’s also very possible to love one person for the rest of your life. Either way, looking for your one true love is impractical. You can’t force love, it just happens. You don’t have to be out there speed dating and grinding people to see if they are the one. But hey, I’m also not saying you shouldn’t speed date because you just never know. And that my friends is the point. You NEVER know when love is going to hit you. So go out and have fun, and don’t be scared to put your heart out on the line. Let love unravel and find you naturally. Love isn’t like Twilight, and you just don’t sniff out your soulmate like Edward did to Bella.
10. It’s Not All Sunshine And Rainbows
You will get hurt. You will fight. You will have disagreements. You will get annoyed by your partner. You will want your time alone. You might not understand these things, or even worse, you might not want to accept these things. Movies like Titanic have created the perfect romance where one person even dies to save their S/O’s life. Love is all about compromise, sacrifice, and effort. Disagreeing and fighting are normal things. They are actually healthy, because who doesn’t loves a good makeup session? Maturity in a relationship is important. You must know yourself and be able to hold back on your negative traits in order to come to an agreement with another person. Prepare yourself, and be ready to work towards a long term relationship because I’m sure if Jack and Rose were a real thing, they would have ridiculous fights over who’s turn it was to take the trash out too.
9. You Really Can’t Change Them
This is probably one of the most common and unrealistic things romantic movies portray. In films like The Proposal and The Ugly Truth the protagonist is almost always portrayed as the person who tamed the beast or changed another’s way of being, existing, and thinking. The truth is no one can force change on another. The only way a man will change is if he wants to. This is still a tricky situation because they might change temporarily, but the person they ARE will eventually come out to play and you won’t like it. Like I’ve said before, it’s possible just don’t bank on it and don’t waste your energy on a project just because you like a challenge. It wont be pretty and it’s not as exciting as you think it will be.
8. Getting Pregnant Is Not The Answer
This one is obviously directed towards the ladies. A new fad or phenomenon that’s shown in recent rom-com’s like Knocked Up, The Back-up Plan, and How To Be Single seem to suggest that when all else fails, getting pregnant is the way to go! This piece of advice is not for the totally sane and well informed women who really just want a child without the burden or necessity of a man in their lives. This is for the women who feel lonely, empty, and a little bit desperate.
Children are the best gift, I agree. However, they aren’t just a gift you can set aside when you’re done. Children need AT LEAST 18 years of YOUR life dedicated completely to them. Please think twice before turning to insemination as the answer to the emptiness in your life. As harsh as that may sound, it’s real. It would also be harsher and more devastating to bring another life into this world when you’re barely prepared to deal with your own problems.
7 Ways They’re Not:
7. That Butterfly Feeling
After being with someone for several years, it can start to feel like a routine. It might seem like nothing is exciting or surprising anymore. These feelings are normal, but they can take a toll on a relationship. Love is not a business arrangement, but it’s also not something that should be taken lightly. If you care for someone and you’re prepared to spend the rest of your life with them, you should also be thinking of ways to keep the love alive. The flame should never, and will never, go out if you invest in the relationship equally. Slumps are the real deal, and sometimes a little boost in confidence or energy is necessary. (Cue the rom-com’s!) Watching a cute movie with your S/O can do more than you think. They’re uplifting and help get you in that mood your relationship needs. Don’t give up just because you’re bored or it’s not as exciting as it was on day three. Have a date night, watch a romantic movie, and see where it leads!
6. Your Very Own Love Guide
Movies like 500 Days of Summer, My Blue Valentine, and Like Crazy can actually teach you a thing or two about real life love. Not all romantic films are false. Few are actually more real than you can bare to watch in the moment. I suggest you watch these without your partner, as they can be a bit depressing. These kind of movies shouldn’t actually be seen as depressing, but instead should be taken as a lesson. Unfortunately love doesn’t always conquer ALL. Sometimes love just isn’t enough, and that’s the damn truth. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (although a bit unrealistic at times) shows how real a relationship can be. Fighting with your partner all the time doesn’t mean you’re NOT meant to be. Disagreements are normal, but a balance is necessary. It’s all about compromising, or even just admitting to yourself that it’s just not going to work out.
5. A Sense Of Hope
This is for the single ladies (and lads). Don’t ever let a person tell you you’re being overly positive. There’s no such thing as being too positive, and I’m not referring to naiveness. Being positive is important, and not just when it comes to your love life. If you’ve been on countless horrible first dates and are feeling helpless, give this a try: Put on your absolute favorite romantic comedy and just watch it, without expectations. Laugh and cry a little by yourself. As strange as this may sound, it might just give you the hope you are on the cusp of losing. Your love is out there so don’t give up. Just thank the universe you’re single and that you haven’t settled for a loser. Remember desperation will only attract what you don’t want. Confidence and self respect will attract someone deserving of you!
4. Chivalry Will Not Die
Although respect is equal, this might be more for men than women. Whether it’s out of boredom, curiosity, or pure enjoyment watching a rom-com can actually be pretty informative for men. Romantic films have one thing down: The female psyche. Deny it all you want ladies, but the truth is we do overthink and expect a little too much sometimes. So men, if you really want to know a thing or two about females, throw on Sixteen Candles and realize that yes, we just want some attention and pampering. Because of romantic comedies and the high expectations it gives women, chivalry cannot die. It might not be as common, but it will live on to see another day.
3. New Found Courage
Sex and intimacy are key factors in a relationship. Without these things a relationship can hardly be called a relationship. 50 Shades of Grey has recently cause a huge shift in the way people view lovemaking. It may have received some negative press, but that’s normal with anything/anyone that is in the public eye. Critically acclaimed or not, this movie in particular showed partners everywhere how to set the mood better, how to take the pressure off, and how to spice things up. Getting too comfortable in the bedroom is real. If you’re feeling a little bored, try something new! Don’t let boredom creep up and settle into your heart as resentment. Watch this with your S/O, it can help start the conversation of what to try next. Spruce up your love life, you wont regret it. It might even give you that extra courage and confidence you need!
2. Deciding What Is Important To You
So you’re all work and no play, or you’re interested in someone who is. Goals and aspirations are attractive and very important to have, but it shouldn’t be the totality of who a person is. When you’re spending more nights and weekends working than in your home with your family or indulging in moments with your special someone, that is a problem. Just like a country, a romance must have checks and balances. The Devil Wears Prada and The Family Man are small examples and proof that money isn’t as important as your own happiness. By all means don’t quit your job and relocate impulsively, that’s unrealistic and should be well thought out first. Instead, make the time for your partner or figure out ways to make them feel wanted. If you’re not emotionally, mentally, and physically available don’t get into something serious.
1. A Lesson On Romance
Hitch, P.S. I Love you, Annie Hall, Pride and Prejudice, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Sex and the City, and most other romantic films offer lessons on love. The moral of the story is often overseen due to the excitement and cheesiness of the film. It’s easy to wish you had a guy like Henry from 50 First Dates who will never give up on you. It’s a bit harder to see how he had to overcome his own fear of commitment in order to let love in. It’s easier to think you can change the bad boy into a good man like in Crazy, Stupid, Love than to realize no one set out to change him in the first place. Love just happens, a person will commit or change their ways ONLY if they want to. So the next time you’re watching a romantic movie try to grasp the message instead of the cute little moments you wish you had. Trust me you’ll have your moments too, just be patient.